Author Archives: 1000 mitzvahs

What word describes your Search for Meaning?

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Instructions for Living:

Pay Attention,

Be Astonished,

Tell About it

Mary Oliver

This past weekend, I had the distinct pleasure of speaking at the Search for Meaning Book Festival sponsored by the School of Theology and Ministry in Seattle, Washington. Since I had never attended previously or even heard of the conference before for that matter, I was surprised when it greatly surpassed my expectations.

First, the event was free so anyone could attend. Unusual in this day and age but something the conference committee had determined was crucial. There were more than 2,500 people in attendance. Folks clearly came from all walks of life and all religions. The keynote speaker was Pulitzer Prize winning poet Mary Oliver, whom I also wasn’t familiar with before the weekend.  Finally, I was asked to present a second time in the afternoon when one of the other presenters, a Rabbi was unfortunately unable to attend due to a death in his family.

Clearly, when we step out of our comfort zone we are surely going to grow in ways we least expect.  I  am not a poetry reader and that’s probably why I didn’t know who Mary Oliver was prior to the conference, but hearing her share her poems and even share something about each of the poems, brought them to life.  I was mesmerized by her gift of writing and storytelling in just a few short words. Additionally, I met folks at the conference that I might not normally have an opportunity to meet. People with different religious beliefs and yet a spiritual commonality between us that allowed each of us to learn from one another.  Certainly, we as a universe could use some more ways to bring people who are different together to dialog freely and respectfully.

Finally, being asked to present a second time stretched my ability as a speaker. Knowing many of the attendees in the second session had originally planned to hear a Rabbi, was a bit daunting. Plus giving two speeches within a few hours of each other was not something I’d done before. However, the experience allowed me to stretch professionally and succeed. It also allowed me to connect with a second group of participants and if I hadn’t agreed to speak the second time, I would not have had that chance.

When we give of ourselves we open ourselves up to new possibilities. While I gave of my time by agreeing to be a presenter at the conference (one of the reasons that the conference is free is that all the authors come free of charge) I also received so much in the process. Having no expectations of this event actually improved the experience. I had no preconceived notions about the conference and in that place it was very satisfying.

Saying yes to something today will stretch you out of your comfort zone.  Strike up a conversation with someone you might normally not speak to. Say yes to an experience that sounds different or daunting. Try something new. There are hidden gems along the way and you just never know what you will learn. I  received a new appreciation for poetry and found a poet I enjoy. I even purchased a book to continue this new appreciation long after the conference ends.

The conference committee asked us, “What word would you use to describe your search for meaning?”  That isn’t the easiest question and perhaps at different times in our lives our answer will be different. But for me, today the answer is saying yes!

Search for Meaning Book Festival will take place next year in Seattle on March 9, 2013. Put it on your calendar, it’s well worth it!

Food for thought about customer service

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This week has given me several opportunities to think about how I interact with someone while receiving service from them, whether it’s been the Sears repair man or the aesthetician last week or the waitress from a local restaurant.

Last night, my family and I met another family at a local Mexican restaurant we have frequented for years. The food is tasty and the service is usually fast. Yesterday, however, we had an abysmal experience from the get go. The waitress arrived before the second family had shown up so we asked her to return when they had arrived. Twenty five minutes later she returned to take our order. We ordered our food hoping that the food would at least arrive sooner than that. Ten minutes after we ordered, she returned and asked if she could take the order again because she had mixed it up somehow. At this point, my family was beginning to lose it. The four kids were hungry and filling up on chips and salsa (not my idea of a balanced diet). Forty-five minutes later the food arrived after multiple times that she came to tell us it would be out soon. One of the items ordered was not correct but by that point our friend decided he would just eat what he’d been served. To compensate, she offered us free desserts but by then we all felt that it would be better if our drinks were free since no one wanted to wait anymore for anything coming out of the kitchen. When our bills arrived our friends had gotten their alcoholic drinks taken off their bill but our non-alcoholic drinks were still on the bill. (My husband had originally ordered a beer, gotten the wrong one and when he mentioned it to the waitress he’d been told that his request was currently out of stock.)

Look I have waitressed. A lot. At many different kinds of restaurants for all sorts of different people. I know what it’s like to be busy and completely overwhelmed by the tables you have to serve. So I was patient. When she was late to take the order. I was patient. when she mixed up our order and had to come back ten minutes later and take it again. I was patient and appreciative when she offered to take our drinks of the menu. But I was not patient in the end when we received a bill for our meal with the drinks still on it and she couldn’t figure out how to take them off the bill for us at the register. I felt like we had just spent two hours of our lives being told our food would come when it wasn’t really ready and frankly I didn’t feel that our family had received any kind of compensation. In the end, at the register, I was irritated and after five minutes, I just said forget it, just charge me the for the drinks so we can go home. When I asked on Facebook last night what others would do, I received wonderful comments about contacting the GM and letting him know about our experience. People felt that the owners would want to know what happened to a family who regularly frequents the restaurant and had brought new customers as well. The best comment though came today from a friend who reminded me to think about this situation in this way. “Kind deeds are decidedly easier if we’re in a good place, and we’re directing them to someone who is already showing us at least common courtesy. It’s trickier when you are hungry, tired, stressed or dealing with something difficult and if someone is treating us poorly it’s tempting to return the energy. But wouldn’t performing a mitzvah in those conditions be especially meaningful? Would your irritation subside if you knew the waitress, say, just found out she had breast cancer or recently lost a family member?”

Thank goodness, I can feel that I didn’t really act in any way that I am embarrassed about. We even tipped her. I tried to behave in a way that was appropriate and understanding and was only irritated at the very end when it was clear we would receive no compensation from her at all for the experience. I am sure that I would have felt better in the end, if I had walked away thinking, okay well they certainly did compensate us for that experience. I guess it continued to  bother me because I just didn’t feel that way.

I’d love to hear from an employer or a restaurant owner. What do you do when a customer has a less than exemplary experience? Do you give away free meals, free drinks or something else? How would you want a customer to handle this situation. Based on the comments on Facebook, I know this situation is not unique so please let me know, so I can share it. Thanks for joining the conversation

Facebook and Twitter can aid in doing mitzvahs

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It dawned on me this week that I am beginning to notice social media used as a way to invite others to participate in a mitzvah or good deed. Earlier this week, an acquaintance posted this request,

“Help me out here…does anyone know someone who has either court side or box seats to the Blazers that might be willing to give them up so a 100-year-old woman can see a game? She is a HUGE fan and we are trying to surprise her on her birthday.”

He had posted on behalf of a friend and the flurry of comments that took place literally within the hour was heart warming. People made great suggestions and ultimately someone offered to help him get the tickets.

A day later, a friend of mine from the Boston area posted this…

“OK cookie lovers…we are 14 boxes shy of a big number over here… Any takers? Remember, you don’t have to eat them yourselves. The Cookies for a Cause sends boxes you donate to the US Troops overseas…”

Of course, I saw that post and commented that I’d buy one box and asked her to send me her email address. I saw three or four others who did the same thing.

When in our history could we so easily and effortlessly ask and receive what we needed? No matter what people believe about social media, it does allows people to connect in ways that we have never done before, getting the word out about large and small giving opportunities. What an amazing tool when put to good use. So hop online and join the conversation, perhaps you will be able to engage in a mitzvah or see one unfolding on Facebook as I was lucky enough to witness twice this week.

Supporting a girl, a troop and a community, through Girl Scout Cookies

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I always forget that it’s Girl Scout Cookie time until a neighbor girl or two knocks on my door to see if I’ll support her cookie drive. Then I start noticing girls and their troops outside of supermarkets and stores. How many Girl Scouts have come to you the past week or so asking if you’d support their Girl Scout Cookie drive? Do you realize that even if you have already bought cookies, or don’t even eat cookies you can still support the girls and their troop by buying at least one box and donating it? This year I noticed for the first time that I could check the donate box, supporting the girls while not consuming all of the calories myself…

This isn’t the first time I’ve mentioned the Girl Scout Cookie drive. Last year, I wrote a post about this topic and explained what the Girl Scout mission supports in case you don’t already know.

On Friday,  I received a lovely email from my friend Cynthia who has known me through the mitzvah project and recently shared my new book with her 8-year-old daughter Emma. Her daughter had called to see if I would buy some cookies from her this year.  It was her first year in Girl Scouts.

Cynthia says, ” I have to tell you a quick story, so you know about the continuing impact you have.  I told Emma you left a message and that although you had already purchased cookies from another girl scout, that you still wanted to buy a box to donate.  She said, and I quote “Mom, that’s one of those Mitzvah things isn’t it?”  I told her absolutely and that you didn’t stop doing Mitzvah’s just because you reached your goal of 1,000.  She then said to me “We will have to make sure to donate some boxes.”  I said are you willing to spend your own $4.00 to pay for one of the donated boxes and she said “Of course Mom, I can do Mitzvah’s too!”  Emma’s troop chose The Good Neighbor House for their donated cookies.”

What a lovely reminder that our actions can inspire another.

Today, seek out a Girl Scout and buy at least one box of cookies, plan to give it away or donate to someone who otherwise might not be able to buy a box. It will be a fun and delicious way to do a mitzvah.